Dear Frank...

Anything new to life sucking and dying? Well maybe something.

I just got done reading a book called "Choke". Very good book. I just got done reading a short poem/story called "Things Happen for a Reason". Very good poem/story. Now what does it have in common? These two phrases:

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are.
Sane or insane.
Saints or sex addicts.
Heros or victims.
Letting history tell us how good or bad we are.
Letting our past decide our futures.
Or we can decide for ourselves.
And maybe it's our job to invent something better." - Chuck Palahniuk

"You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets." - Have no friggin clue

I have been stuck on what i am doing out here in Virginia. It's not a feeling that I don't know if I belong here. But it's a feeling of what I am going to do out here. There is soo many things that I feel that come and tend to haunt me from my past. Makes me feel like I am falling back into the things i wanted to run from. But like these stories suggest, screw what your past is. Screw what happened before. Just screw it. Make something new. Be someone new. But still be me of course.

When I moved out here I was thinking maybe I could get people start calling me a more grown up name. Like Robert. Or at least Rob or Robby. Couldn't do it. Dang it... I am Bobby. Can't change that much. Tried to stop being such a spaz at time. Couldn't do that. Not enough Ritalin in this world.

So what am I doing you ask? Definitely not running. I know what I want in life and I am going to work hard to figure out if it's the right thing or not. Take life as it comes. I don't want to run into it head first, but I am taking things as they come along, just as long as I know where I want to go.

Well that's enought about that. Another interesting thing I thought about the while reading the book Choke was, why can't I be someone's savior? Frank, I want to be deity. Then I thought how does that happen?

First I need to have scriptures...

Book of Jack Chapter 1 Verse 3 "And Bobby said let there be light, took out a match and held the candle high."

Now I just need to have people believe.

Book of Haneda Chapter 2 Verse 21 "And in that day that you believe in Him and accept Him, you will be numbered with the ones that need the therapy."

Frank, do you believe I can be a savior of some sort? Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying I am the savior of souls. No no no... never would claim that. But a savior of something. Great thing about it, just like Vincent Mancini, they can decide what i save them from. Let them bring there burdens to me. I will be their savior from the stupid things of life. Like Vincent, I kicked your cat out the window... Yes I wiped chocolate cake all over the toilet seat to make you feel sick... Yes I hid the viagra in the dog food.

Frank can I be your savior? Tell me something... Tell me anything that is bothering you that you could never figure out... And then yes, I was the one who did that. I am sorry... I fed your hamster the alka seltzer and I feel bad.

Later dude,

Jack

Something nice...

Someone gave this to me. Kind of nice. Kind of gay and all to repost it. But i'll be using it in a later blog.

"Things Happen For A Reason"

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be. Possibly your roommate or neighbour, professor or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger. But when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become.
Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."