What are dreams really...

Its one of those things that consumes your mind cause you just want to know.

So it's like this. Have you ever had a dream that sucked so bad and wasn't a nightmare? You know, one of those kinds that hurt so bad you wished it was a nightmare?

Cause you know, with nightmares, you wake up all the sudden in a cold sweat and realize it was just a bad dream. An "aww...it's over" kind of thing. Case closed, you breath and your fine.

And in dreams that suck, you are left in the dream and you still feel the hurt, sadness, and pain. Unable to wake yourself from the sadness, you have to sit there and endure it all. Your stuck, unable to control the thoughts of your own dream self. It's the whole you control the puppet controlling a puppet thing. Very difficult. Only one that I've seen do that is John Malkovich. And that was only a movie. Are dreams only just a movie?

What do dreams mean? Some think it's the future...lets hope not in this case. Some think it's our deepest feelings...lets hope not in this case. Some think it's the silly ramblings of the left hemisphere of our brain and is just plain nonsense...lets hope no~...well, that wouldn't be so bad in this case.

I think last night was a product of a fear I have. Hard thing was, like most dreams, I was the puppet's puppet. It felt like I lived it. And it was tough to live. It hurt and I couldn't leave. I had to watch it all play out in front of me until it showed everything it wanted to. Why couldn't it of been just a nightmare and ended early? You know, one of those kinds when you wake up with a scare, you breath, and then realize it was nothing but a dream. Cause now I question if I had to see it cause it was the future... Oh boy

And so... this means what?

So I received an email from a friend. It was a nice email. Very nice. It even made me say aww. But then it made me think, wow that's a lot of nice things she said... and? Well I'll explain later. Here's some snipets from it...

"hey booby...just wanted to say I missed you. and its always fun to have you here. and your always so nice to talk to...ok ok i am going to list all the good qualities about bobby....ready set GO!!"

-"Um okay" isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

"good listener
good advice
always there for you
always doing something fun
loud and exciting
funny"

-Book of Frank Chapter 3 Verse 30 "And when ye have charity say something nice to someone . And if that person doesn't believe in what ye say, ye shall hear a small voice that says... "um okay" and ye shall know that he doesn't know what to say."

"good sport about the gayness thing
always optimistic
good with kids
goes to chruch
likes everyone
makes fun of people with me
does the dishes when i cook"

-"really? I am a good sport with the gayness thing?" isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

"is kinda of asian
is my "gay" (meaning happy) friend
can dress in a speedo and take a picture of it
still calls and checks in even tho you moved away
never lets me get depressed
always helping if i need help"

-Letters to the Bigheads Chapter 4 verse 2 "And when ye find good qualities in someone, let them know before it's too late"

Why is it after it's too late, we learn some nice qualities of ourselves? Is it human nature to just wait on anything we got to say? I am not saying anything like this is bad or anything. I actually thought this is really sweet. I just feel that I have a problem with this. Like it's after I have gone and seperated myself I am like, "oh by the way, this is how i felt...." It's just that I don't know, seems like you just find out nice things a little too late like when you have decided which path in life to take. Not saying that this is anything deep like if it would of been said earlier things would be different. It's just nice to hear things like this sometimes when it's better timing. I guess it's hard to explain what I am trying to say.

" i miss you!!!"

-"Ya i know..." isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.