"If you take a non typical Bible to church and have to borrow someones scriptures, they think you needed their scriptures cause the Bible you brought is wrong. You only did because you need that damn index."
So in my last post, i talked about how i needed to just let go. Give everything up and start new. Update: I did. And let me tell you, it's been great. Slowly I've been able to figure out a lot of things about myself without using the methods and means by which I've been taught my whole life. And might I add the beach has been amazing each weekend this summer.
"When you don't partake of the sacrament, people start wondering what sins you committed. I just start wondering what germs were all over the hands of the guy who tore the bread up."
When i started to make my way through figuring stuff out, I followed the beat of my own drum. I stopped doing everything that seemed to be customary of me to do. You know, like stuf that I did just because that's what i did every time that situation arose. Let me tell you... It's been different. I stop saying stuf that has become part of repetition. I stopped doing things because i felt like i had to. I started doing the things i felt like i wanted to. I started to feel like i was real. I was me.
"You grow a beard and some people think it's part of your rebellion. I look at their popped collar and think it's part of their rebellion from decency."
I had a nice talk with someone the other day. They felt strongly for something that was being voted on in certain parts of the country. I felt strongly opposed to it. It led to a discussion of beliefs and following those beliefs. I told him straight up how i feel. Then had the audacity to ask me if my father new what i believed (being that my father is a religious leader). To his surprise, i told him yes and that he is fine with it because my father believed along some of the similar lines that i did. He continued along the lines of "whatever" and "your just rebelling to rebel". Just because we are out of their "norm" does it mean we are out of THE "norm"?
"You look at him as if he's just bitter. I look at him as if he's the savior of my thoughts and you're just bitter because you're a slave to your own."
My brother is the smartest man i know. Not because he has all the right answers, but because he is an example of how we should live and act with the answers we have found. I remember several years back when i had come home from Japan, I at times found myself defending him after some comments he had made. Not because i felt he was wrong and had to make excuses for him, but because i understood him. I understood how he believed certain things and how those things made him act upon it. I believed on a lot of similar things, but I didn't know how to act upon it. I think because i was too afraid of acting or saying the same things, i bottled it up so that i would fit in their "norm". And trust me, to fit in the BYU "norm" it took a lot of bottling up. But i always looked up to my brother and how he was able to be comfortable with what he believed and how he acted upon those beliefs. And now, even though it has taken me a long time, I feel like i am free from what held me bound to trying to be part of their "norm". Now, I am focusing on being my "norm".
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