So what's new and other stuf...

So first things first... What's new? Absolutely nothing.

Life just seems just about the same. Well not really the same, but I have nothing to complain about. Things go up, and things go down. That's what I found out about roller coasters. Friday went to Busche Gardens. Apparently when a roller coaster climbs real high, it has to go down. And according to the makers of Apollo's Chariot, it goes down real fast and very steep like. Can anyone make an anology to life here? Raise of hands?

"OH OH, OOOH OOOH, HEY HEY! Teacher pick me!"

But I guess that's why we ride roller coasters. We enjoy the scenery from up top, we drop down real fast, our hearts skip a beat then we pick it back up. Then when it's all over we do it again.

"What a friggin idiot" isn't the nice thing to say, but it's the first that comes to mind.

And now for other stuf... Do you like stuf? I still do. Why do you ask? Cause when we know what life we want to lead, we don't change. Change from a life that you have setup for yourself is a life that you want. Now we need to make adjustments here and there, but when there is a certain path of life that we want, and it is something good, why change? Change is what falls out of your pants at the laundry mat. It was yours, you did enjoy it while you had it, but once you forgot about it, it becomes someone elses treasure. Now it's all up to the new person on how they want to treat it... Trust you and me, I am the one always with my head in the dryer, looking for the change so I can have my treasure.

"Confused" is the first thing I think about after reading that paragraph, but for some reason, to me it makes sense.

What are dreams really...

Its one of those things that consumes your mind cause you just want to know.

So it's like this. Have you ever had a dream that sucked so bad and wasn't a nightmare? You know, one of those kinds that hurt so bad you wished it was a nightmare?

Cause you know, with nightmares, you wake up all the sudden in a cold sweat and realize it was just a bad dream. An "aww...it's over" kind of thing. Case closed, you breath and your fine.

And in dreams that suck, you are left in the dream and you still feel the hurt, sadness, and pain. Unable to wake yourself from the sadness, you have to sit there and endure it all. Your stuck, unable to control the thoughts of your own dream self. It's the whole you control the puppet controlling a puppet thing. Very difficult. Only one that I've seen do that is John Malkovich. And that was only a movie. Are dreams only just a movie?

What do dreams mean? Some think it's the future...lets hope not in this case. Some think it's our deepest feelings...lets hope not in this case. Some think it's the silly ramblings of the left hemisphere of our brain and is just plain nonsense...lets hope no~...well, that wouldn't be so bad in this case.

I think last night was a product of a fear I have. Hard thing was, like most dreams, I was the puppet's puppet. It felt like I lived it. And it was tough to live. It hurt and I couldn't leave. I had to watch it all play out in front of me until it showed everything it wanted to. Why couldn't it of been just a nightmare and ended early? You know, one of those kinds when you wake up with a scare, you breath, and then realize it was nothing but a dream. Cause now I question if I had to see it cause it was the future... Oh boy

And so... this means what?

So I received an email from a friend. It was a nice email. Very nice. It even made me say aww. But then it made me think, wow that's a lot of nice things she said... and? Well I'll explain later. Here's some snipets from it...

"hey booby...just wanted to say I missed you. and its always fun to have you here. and your always so nice to talk to...ok ok i am going to list all the good qualities about bobby....ready set GO!!"

-"Um okay" isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

"good listener
good advice
always there for you
always doing something fun
loud and exciting
funny"

-Book of Frank Chapter 3 Verse 30 "And when ye have charity say something nice to someone . And if that person doesn't believe in what ye say, ye shall hear a small voice that says... "um okay" and ye shall know that he doesn't know what to say."

"good sport about the gayness thing
always optimistic
good with kids
goes to chruch
likes everyone
makes fun of people with me
does the dishes when i cook"

-"really? I am a good sport with the gayness thing?" isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

"is kinda of asian
is my "gay" (meaning happy) friend
can dress in a speedo and take a picture of it
still calls and checks in even tho you moved away
never lets me get depressed
always helping if i need help"

-Letters to the Bigheads Chapter 4 verse 2 "And when ye find good qualities in someone, let them know before it's too late"

Why is it after it's too late, we learn some nice qualities of ourselves? Is it human nature to just wait on anything we got to say? I am not saying anything like this is bad or anything. I actually thought this is really sweet. I just feel that I have a problem with this. Like it's after I have gone and seperated myself I am like, "oh by the way, this is how i felt...." It's just that I don't know, seems like you just find out nice things a little too late like when you have decided which path in life to take. Not saying that this is anything deep like if it would of been said earlier things would be different. It's just nice to hear things like this sometimes when it's better timing. I guess it's hard to explain what I am trying to say.

" i miss you!!!"

-"Ya i know..." isn't the right thing to say but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

The wrong thing to say at the wrong time...

Book of Tyler Chapter 3 verse 20 "And from the mouth of an idiot, nations will be destroyed. And those that lie in its wake will look upon him with much dumbfoundedness, confusionness, and hurtness."

Why does it seem like sometimes when we think we got the most amazing thing to say, at just about the most wrong time it could ever be, we say it? What i mean is for some odd, dumb stupid reason we tend to think that what we got to say is going to be the perfect thing. It's going to make life so simple. It's the thing that for some reason, to ourselves and only ourselves, we think that it would make the thing we call life a much better place.

"Selfish" isn't the right thing to say, but it's the first thing that comes to mind. (I am trying to make a change)

It's a reoccuring theme through out life. It started when I was little...

"Momma mia, poppa pia. What's for dinner... diarrhea..." I was slapped... At the dinner table. If I remember correctly it was one of the times I ate alone outside on the picnic table. Age- sometime when i was little and macoroni and cheese was a gourmet lunch specialty.

"Do you wanna be my dance partner?" said she. "No, I think your friend is cute and I want to dance with her." said me. She was the girl that i knew for "oh so long". Later down the life line I even told that same girl the four letter "L" word. Things could of been different. That boy she danced with ended up being someone she ended up liking. I could of had my chance. You know, when your like little and say "you wanna be my girlfriend" or "you wanna go out with me?". Kind of funny nowadays, if you asked someone do you wanna go out with me, they'd be like "where?" but back then, that was the way to snag you a girlfriend. Oh by the way, that girl and I, we didn't make it in the end. But what if at such a young age, things could of changed what the future would of been. Age- whatever age you are when your in fifth grade

"Ya, my mommy says I can't go to the dance cause I am not old enough yet." said me to the hot drill team senior girl in my chemistry class. I was only a sophmore. You get the picture. I guess this really doesn't have to go with too much of the theme here but it sucked pretty bad anyways. I guess I could of said something cool like, ya I am washing my car this weekend. Age- 15, so ya I had no car. I had no life either apparently cause i still used the word mommy.

"I am so glad that we can be such good friends and I can talk about girls w/you" said me. "Ya... um no problem." said her. With saying such a thing, you shut down any opportunity for a relationship for like at least a 1 yr span. I ended up having a huge crush on the girl and it wouldn't ever work out cause we were "such good friends". Age- College time

"...." said me. "...." said her. You can fill in the blanks. Cause the story goes on. Same thing. Freak, it even happened last night.

"I want to take it all back" isn't the right thing to say, but it's the first thing that comes to mind. ( I told you, change has to start somewhere)

I am going to fix it. I am going to think things through before I talk. I am going to start thinking about the most amazing thing to say that would be amazing for everyone else. I am going to use that spongy wrinkley thing in my head. I am going to change.

"Sorry" isn't the right thing to say, but it's the first thing that comes to mind. So rather, I say, "i am going to try my hardest".

Well my G.I. Joe tractinal internal thingy is grumbling. Can mean either two things... Hungry or stress... I think it's hungry.

Dear Frank...

Anything new to life sucking and dying? Well maybe something.

I just got done reading a book called "Choke". Very good book. I just got done reading a short poem/story called "Things Happen for a Reason". Very good poem/story. Now what does it have in common? These two phrases:

"We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are.
Sane or insane.
Saints or sex addicts.
Heros or victims.
Letting history tell us how good or bad we are.
Letting our past decide our futures.
Or we can decide for ourselves.
And maybe it's our job to invent something better." - Chuck Palahniuk

"You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets." - Have no friggin clue

I have been stuck on what i am doing out here in Virginia. It's not a feeling that I don't know if I belong here. But it's a feeling of what I am going to do out here. There is soo many things that I feel that come and tend to haunt me from my past. Makes me feel like I am falling back into the things i wanted to run from. But like these stories suggest, screw what your past is. Screw what happened before. Just screw it. Make something new. Be someone new. But still be me of course.

When I moved out here I was thinking maybe I could get people start calling me a more grown up name. Like Robert. Or at least Rob or Robby. Couldn't do it. Dang it... I am Bobby. Can't change that much. Tried to stop being such a spaz at time. Couldn't do that. Not enough Ritalin in this world.

So what am I doing you ask? Definitely not running. I know what I want in life and I am going to work hard to figure out if it's the right thing or not. Take life as it comes. I don't want to run into it head first, but I am taking things as they come along, just as long as I know where I want to go.

Well that's enought about that. Another interesting thing I thought about the while reading the book Choke was, why can't I be someone's savior? Frank, I want to be deity. Then I thought how does that happen?

First I need to have scriptures...

Book of Jack Chapter 1 Verse 3 "And Bobby said let there be light, took out a match and held the candle high."

Now I just need to have people believe.

Book of Haneda Chapter 2 Verse 21 "And in that day that you believe in Him and accept Him, you will be numbered with the ones that need the therapy."

Frank, do you believe I can be a savior of some sort? Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying I am the savior of souls. No no no... never would claim that. But a savior of something. Great thing about it, just like Vincent Mancini, they can decide what i save them from. Let them bring there burdens to me. I will be their savior from the stupid things of life. Like Vincent, I kicked your cat out the window... Yes I wiped chocolate cake all over the toilet seat to make you feel sick... Yes I hid the viagra in the dog food.

Frank can I be your savior? Tell me something... Tell me anything that is bothering you that you could never figure out... And then yes, I was the one who did that. I am sorry... I fed your hamster the alka seltzer and I feel bad.

Later dude,

Jack

Something nice...

Someone gave this to me. Kind of nice. Kind of gay and all to repost it. But i'll be using it in a later blog.

"Things Happen For A Reason"

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be. Possibly your roommate or neighbour, professor or long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger. But when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.
Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become.
Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Walk the footsteps of a stranger and you'll learn things you never know.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."

Harry is a Horcrux, Millions is a good movie, and Christ is feminine...

So to all those Harry Potter fans out there, I say Harry is one of Voldemorts horcruxes. For some evidence, read Year 2 page 332 and 333. Voldemort did leave a little bit of himself inside Harry. A little bit of HIS SOUL!!!! Sorry, that's just something only nerds can truly understand.


Saw the movie Millions two days ago by suggestion from my brother the Narrator. This is a very good movie. This boy is a better person than i know I could ever be with a million dollars. As my brother pointed out, all you really can say about this movie is wow. There is so much that touches you visually or emotionally. And the interactions the boy has with past Saints who did amazing things in their lives was just touching. Makes you want to be a better person.


Now for something that may offend some, cause I for one saw that it did offend some people. The other day I was trying to enjoy some nice discussion in institute. They were getting into discussion about the importance of gender roles as discussed in the Old Testament and Pearl of Great Price. Now I for one do not like the statement, "Woman do not hold the Priesthood because their much higher calling is motherhood." or something to that effect. You know what i mean though. People trying to give reasons on what the gender role of the woman is in conjunction with the priesthood and also a lot of other things. Does that mean a woman here on this earth that can not bare children only can only fufil her gender "calling" once she passes away and "in the eternities"? I for one don't follow and buy in to it. Well that's besides what I want to get at.

The class started to go off on a tangent and start speaking about the importance of marriage and the eternal realm. Then someone even went further and started talking about how Christ could of been married. (You should of seen the instructors face when people started to go on about that). Then just when I think the instructor was about to blow, the comment that i most enjoyed was that Christ was feminine. BOOOM!!!!!! (That is the sound of the instructors face blowing up.)

At once, right when the finale syllable left the kids mouth, the instructor was defending against his comment. And so was everyone else in the room! I heard everything from "he was a carpenter, now that's manly!" to "I would say that fisherman are quite masculine, wouldn't you". Everyone defending the Savior from being "humiliated" as being called feminine. I was actually pretty offended by the way this young man (which is actually being baptized tomorrow) 's comment was shot down soo speedily. And to think, they were the ones who took offense to his comment. Here is why I am upset...


Tell you the honest truth... according to that time period, Christ was feminine. Christ taught more about love and kindness then he did about Tonka Trucks and big rocks and wrestling wild bulls and guy stuff like that. He spent time with children, teaching them. He spent time with woman, consoling them. He spent time with those that needed compassion, kindness, and love. Obviously he's going to come out a little bit feminine compared to the other guys. AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT??? I see people put Christ as their hero more than people who put the Arnold Schwartzmypantsonfirenager as their hero. Does Christ need to be pretty manly to make him more important? NO! OBSCENITY!!!! CURSE WORD!!!! VULGAR LANGUAGE to you who think so. Tell you the truth, I would rather think that my Savior was a little more in tune with emotions and feelings then he was with being tough and masculine. Ya he was a carpenter. Ya that was manly back then, but what's wrong with being feminine at the same time?

I think this day in age the tough "I was born playing guns and Tonka Trucks with big rocks" male has a very wrong and stupid idea of what being feminine means. I think we can all learn from Christ's example and be a little bit more "feminine" and I am being serious.

My thoughts are scrambled now. I am tired. Maybe i'll write more about this later. Nite...

I am not going to run anymore...

When life for me got real hard and i really didn't want to deal with things, I ran away. When i was little, i did like what every little boy did. I packed up all my toys into a large garbage sack and I ran away, usually just hiding behind the cars or underneath them in the garage. In my teens, I would grab my dog Yuki and i would go for a walk. This time since i could cross roads without having someone older with me I was able to run away to the park down the street. Or i would sneak out at night and go to my friends house, throw pennies at her window and talked until the sun came up. After I learned how to drive, I would go for drives, trying to leave whatever i was thinking about behind and walking away. Just kind of putting it off for another day to worry about it or just trying to forget it.

When I got older in college, when things got too built up, i found it hard to run away anywhere nearby. Provo and Orem just wasn't big enough to just "runaway". I would go to Provo Canyon, right by the first park there is a dam, right by this dam on the side that you could just walk to I would sit and throw rocks. I guess the river wasn't deep enough. It didn't take my rocks and bury them. So I did what i could now that I was a grown up. I packed my things and left in an Airplane, going behind the "car in the garage w/ my toys" and waiting the situation out until the "sun came up".

So I have been gone now. I have been on that really long "walk with my dog" for 5 months now. I feel that some of the things I wanted to be buried in the river finally have sunken to the bottom, never to rise again. Or is it...

I purchased a round trip ticket to Utah. I leave in 2 days. It's only for several days. At times I am excited and at times I am worried. What if I try to go swimming and bring those rocks out from the bottom? You know, fish them out and try to dry them off? I don't want to. But there's always that... what if. It's worried me since I bought my tickets a month and a half ago...

Then I a couple of days ago, I found myself running... again. I was driving fast. A lot on my mind. When I finally realized where I was going, I saw the North Carolina border... Here we go again. Looked in my car. I had in my car my brand new iPod, a Harry Potter book, and my cell phone. Basically all my toys piled in my car. Something that happened made me do what I was doing. And it seemed like maybe I was running away again. I crossed the border and sat in my car thinking...

No! I am not running anymore. Never again will I run. I will come face to face with what I want in life and I will deal with it how ever it needs to be handled. No more beating around the bush in life. No more taking the truth, tying them to rocks and aiming for the deepest hole. No more will I be running from life.

So with that in mind. Utah is no longer my home. It is no longer some place that I can run back to if needed. I can visit and make it fun. But it's not a place where i will try to pull out my rocks and dry them off. I've locked the back door and i am not sneaking out anymore... Well not metaphorically at least... (so glad my parents do read this)

So... I am excited to go back to Utah now. I am excited to see my brother's Loyd and Chris. Nancy my freakin awesome sister in law. Koji, the nephew that was worried i would forget him cause he loves me. And Levi, the other nephew that knows my voice and is scared of nothing. And all my friends that I want to see. And for those that are at the bottom of the river, sorry. Swim upwards if you can, but I mean freak think about it... It's soo cold you think I am crazy to go swimming? Utah is going to be fun this time around. Well at least for 5 days anyhow... See y'all when I come.

Saved by the Bell, Ipod, and awesome...ness?...

Saved by the Bell Rules!!! I know everyone wished they were Zack Morris. And for some of those odd kids that love the permed mullet look, there was A.C. Slater and his dance moves. Oh and don't forget everyone's sweet heart Kelly Kapowski. Oh the good old days.

So I got an iPod mini this week. Got it off eBay. Really good deal. Got an iTrip with it. Kind of sucks though if you ask me. Kind of weak. Need a new one. iPod's freakin rule. I got the mini. I thought that the Nano was just a little too small (plus it didn't hold as much as the 6gb mini). The video to me was just kind of uneeded, so I went with the now discontinued mini. All I can say is that I am pleased. Now i can be part of the "Premeditated iPoding" community were we think of where we can just look like were cool cause we have an iPod. I am going to be soo cool! (Stupid people who try to hard) I was just kidding for any of you who didn't know.

And just as a thought, have you ever thought about how much more cool things are if you just add the ending..."ness" to it? Try it. It kind of puts a little Bill & Ted ~esk kind of thing to it. It's just freakin radness. Night ya'll

The good old days...

So i was just sitting there the other day, thinking to myself, how cool was it in the "good old days". Now most people don't recognize this picture above. For some of the newer generation of kids out there, they might remember something called like Beetleborgs or something like that. But in Japan the original was Kamen Rider (which ended up like power rangers to change over time to different forms). All I can say is America tends to take foreign things and turn it gay. Like homosexuality for instance. Back in Rome, oh it was okay, but get to america and it's "gay". ( that was a complete joke I am sorry) But I am talking about my childhood japanese hero's. America took a bunch of butt woopin japanese teenagers from the group of Dairenja, made them american, threw in a Billy (the pansy blue american ranger), Bulk and Skull and made it suck. I mean look at the original japanese power rangers
now compare to the crappy american power rangers. ( by the way, japan only had one girl for a while)
I KNOW!!!! THE JAPANESE RANGERS WOULD SOOO WOOP ON GAY LITTLE BLUE BOY. Now I must make an exception. Everybody liked Tommy. He would of been a perfect DAIRENJA SHIRO (white)

Well back to the whole point of this topic. I miss the old days. The days where my biggest worry is if everyone would see that my mom made my cool new tee shirt, if i got a bag of gummy bears in my lunch sack, or if I kicked a homerun in kick soccer. Those days are over (except for the gummy bears cause my mommy knows what i like). Now I have to worry about making sure i have gas in my car, if i collected the 4000 dollars from the little old lady that tells me she has every disease known to man, or that my mom STILL didn't pack me gummy bears for lunch. The world just got too complicated. sometimes I just want to sit back and just try to enjoy life as I once did. But can we? Is it really possible? Or do we have to watch re runs of the Cosby show, Who's the Boss, Mr Belvedere, Charles in Charge, or Full House to create nostalgia for ourselves?

The good old days... hmm wish things didn't have to change so much. As I always say, life sucks then you die...

Dear Frank...

Well Frank, life sucks, then you die... Know what I mean?

Why does it seem that somethings of my past always find a way to haunt me? It was during my mission, towards the beginning... It was a hard time. You know, you where there, you saw it. So when i see someone that is going through the same thing, it sucks. I get pissed off. I am offended. I wish the person felt the pains of hell on their shoulders and chest and mind. AND THEY'RE A MISSIONARY! I guess i just wish they felt the pain that I and all the others involved do. What do you think Frank? Should they? And even worse, they seem to feel no real remorse or they would do the appropriate things.

Well besides that things are good. I have finally gotten used to living here. Life for a while seemed to be kind of boring and dull, but now it seems to finally be moving and I can finally call myself a Virginian. Do i miss Utah? Oh hell ya... well somethings i do. But we learn to move on and live life. Life sucks and then you die, remember? It just matters on what we do while life sucks that makes the difference.

Frank, did you see that the Seahawks just won? Pretty good stuff. I guess I am supposed to like the Panthers cause it's North Carolina and it's just right down the road. But, I think I could actually care less. What happened to me liking sports? Most professional athletes suck now. Sad really. Like that shotty Marcus Vick pulling a gun just down the street from our house at the Mac? Stupid retard. Pretty cool though that his mom just lives couple yards down from a friends place.

Well I wish i had more to say but I am getting tired Frank. So ya, have you fixed that problem with constipation? I have been told, take more fiber. Works pretty well. Well let me know. Laterz

Jack

Battle of the Century?

After having talked with a friend just the other day, I was reminded of my childhood hero's. Yes I have some American childhood hero's, but these are some of my Asian childhood hero's. I'll write more later.

Too much to talk about, so little time...

Okay so about tonight...

A couple of days ago I got an email about a get together goin on in Virginia Beach with some people from the singles ward. The address said it was on Princess Anne. And well with me, obviously I thought that it would ve the aprt of princess anne that was in Virginia Beach. So I put that in my GPS and was on my way. Well 50 minutes later, deep into the back woods of virginia, I reached what I thought was my destination... Just a bunch of fields. No apartment complex. Drove a little down the road (like only couple hundred yards) and found I was in NORTH CAROLINA! OOps. That sure sucked!

So I stopped changed the address in the GPS and made my way back. It was supposed to take another 40 minutes. I was supposed to meet some friends in about 20 minutes. Since most of it was back roads I was flying! For my own safety, I will not say how fast (in case my dad finds this site). Well cause of my speed, out of no where this stop sign pops up! And well there was two other cars there waiting. I don't need to go into details, lets just say made it out of that one without a scratch. Luckily after that I slowed down for a minute cause about 5 minutes down the road, I passed a cop. He didn't pull me over.

So I then finally made it to Norfolk. While in search of this address, I pulled into the wrong neighborhood. A very wrong neighbor hood. The projects of Norfolk don't look that pretty this time of year if your wondering. Actually they probably never look pretty. It was funny cause even my friend who had lived here his whole life was telling me quickly to lock the doors and start driving when couple guys started to walk in the direction of our car.

Well after all this adventure, I finally made it. Had some nice Village Inn with some beautiful woman and then made the trip back home.

*** Now just for one random thought and stuff
The classic superman movies ROCK! I bought The Complete Superman Collection DVD Set this week cause I am a huge dork. Those movies are actually very freakin HILARIOUS! My favorite line out of all of the movies so far comes from Superman 2. *Background* General Zod (the bad guy) tells the President of USA to kneel before Zod. The President then says, "Oh God..." "It's Zod..." said General Zod. I love the original Superman. Hopefully the new one is as good.

So a new year's resolution eh?

I think my new year's resolution should be don't suck as bad as I did last year. Also I think i need to follow through on something I started at the end of last year, just do it and have no regrets of not doing it. Screw all the other new year's resolutions people want me to make. I think these Australians have it right. Rock on my down under friends.